Reality Bites

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’
letter to Marie Bonaparte, in Ernest Jones Sigmund Freud: Life and Work (1955) vol. 2, pt. 3, ch. 16

Funny though , when one reads Freud's quote - being the father of psychiatry!! I suppose his comment is relevantly universal. :)

Felling quite down at the moment.Why? Obviously - just had a disagreement ( i'm putting it very mild here... ) with you know who... Sometimes one just wonders - is this what marriage is all about ? I used to have this philosophy that marriage is about coping with each other when the tough gets going.. but man , when you're in it - it becomes so stressful and sometimes it just pushes you away , pulls you down and makes one miserable.

This cold war is slowly killing me. ON the surface it looks calm but beneath ; a volcano is just boiling up to blast. Is it really my fault ? if it is , i do pray to god to decide and let it to be for the best. The issues are old ; the issues are repetative ; it comes in all types and form.

Its so easy to feel that , one is suite to another - but from my experience one can never know.Marriage is such a gamble - sometimes the risks are calculated sometimes it is not.And the thing is , we can never know who suits us best - we can only predict but the outcome depends on the situation and qada and qadar.If you're lucky , then your gamble may pay off with multiple dividends. But if your gamble fails , then one has to decide on either to live with it or make a tangent decision. The thing is , if one is a sore loser - imagine the trouble and disharmony it can create.. fuiiiyooo...

I maybe very vague here , though bloggin may be one medium for throwing out one's feelings - there is this thin line between privacy and sharing esp about marriage life.But sometimes i do feel suffocated - in my own space ; trusting nobody to discuss what i feel , what to do. Ego ? not really - just that in reality.. I HAVE TO FACE IT.. not the one listening ; and no matter how good the listener can be , it makes no difference to any decision or any emotional turmoil in you. Correct me if i'm wrong !!!!

It is difficult when someone tries to change the other - to one's liking when reality beckons that every individual being is unique. I suppose the balance will come in when there is compromise or acceptance.The main point being ; accepting the other person the way they are. I suppose being me , a bit insensitive at times may become one of the stumbling blocks for compromise. But i cant help it do i ? thats who i am and maybe i am not suited for one job but damn good at another and requires this characteristic.

Its so easy to hurt another or being hurt - and the scar for recovery may slow to heal.to add grudges in it.. wow.. how does it really resolve ? Maybe some people are lucky ; living a fairy tale life or the best thing - not to be involve at all in marriage !! haks.. but then , life is about taking risk .. living the risk.. and see how it turns out.. so ; it's one way god is joking around with his beings...

Ok.. masa dah time.. just a bit of what i may feel from time to time.tomorrow on-call ; definitely Jonah again...