Aku Tanpa Cintamu

It was just moment of time before Faizal Tahir would decide to collaborate again with his fellow Mirwana members. And I would say one of my favourite song being rearranged. The song is good asthe melody and lyrics certainly would bring one to think of one's deeds. This song reminds me of my early days of housemanship in HKL. 

Telah ku mungkiri janjiku lagi
Walau seribu kali
Ku ulang sendiri
Aku takkan tempuh lagi
Apakah kau terima cintaku lagi
Setelah ku berpaling
Dari pandanganMu
Yang kabur kerna jahilnya aku

Mengapa cintaMu tak pernah hadir
Subur dalam jiwaku
Agarku tetap bahagia
Tanpa cintaku tetaplah Kau di sana
Aku tanpa cintaMu
Bagai layang-layang terputus talinya

Telah ku mungkiri janjiku lagi
Walau seribu kali
Ku ulang sendiri
Aku takkan tempuh lagi
Apakah kau terima cintaku lagi
Setelah ku berpaling
Dari pandanganMu
Yang kabur kerna jahilnya aku

Masihkah ada sekelumit belas
Mengemis kasihMu Tuhan
Untukku berpaut dan bersandar
Aku di sini kan tetap terus mencuba
Untuk beroleh cintaMu
Walau ranjaunya menusuk pedih

Ramadhan 1442

Its 10 days in Ramadhan 1442. 1/3 done and 20 more days to go. That is how fast time flies. 2020 and 2021 seemed to be a nightmare for the whole world. A lot of plans and doables are halted. We are not as free as how we used to be. Imagine how easy it was to sosialize, go out, go abroad and we can freely plan what we want to do with our lives.

Alhamdulillah, I have been blessed to still have a job to go to; enjoying my daily routine even though at times it can be demanding and mind boggling. Being in a tertiary private hospital is not as easy as it sounds. More so with the current Covid19 patients that we receive daily. Its a challenge to manage them and a challenge for the family too. It is not covered by any health insurance hence they have to fork out cash to pay for the treatment. Being in ICU is not cheap daily and imagine having to stay for at least a week. It can cost up to RM 200K for the whole stay. I am lucky to have a very good team and the communication is good between us. 

Everybody is hoping for Covid19 to go away so that they can relive back their live. Unfortunately I dont think it will. Covid19 has changed our lives forever. Things will never be the same again. In a way, I am glad that I've managed to maximize my travels around the world. Perhaps I can only tell my grandchildren how I was able to roam around freely without the current "normal" restrictions. There was a time we can plan and just do it without much thinking or planning. 

Allah is great, Allah knows better.

Narcissist toxicity

I was introduced to this terminology recently. It was widely being dispersed in social media and their aim was towards a rich well known celebrity. I am impressed with the social media fraternity who are beginning to untangle knowledge more than nonsense. This particular trait is well defined in the DSM 5 ( A classification by the American Psychiatric Association) for mentally related illness. I do remember learning about this during my psychiatry posting then. The classification is an evolving material hence it is more defined nowadays compared to before.

It is very interesting that there are even self help book on this. Not to mention it is widely available on the net. Wide resource, you just need to google it and yup, it comes up nicely. 

Looking at the characteristics, the issues raised and managing people with such traits, hmmm.. certainly interesting and I wished I had come across this knowledge much sooner. 

From one of the sources: 

"narcissism can wear many masks. Here’s a list of telltale traits of a narcissist courtesy of Karaine Sanders, Psy.D, a psychologist in New York:

• Self-concern, self-centeredness and self-consciousness that is disproportionate

• Extreme sensitivity to negative feedback or criticism

• Significant need for approval from others due to inadequacies that are real or imagined

• Poor self-esteem often expressed through self-deprivation or arrogance

• Difficulties within most relationships

• Intolerance for imperfections in others

• Often idealize others that represent perfection followed by devaluing that very person when they are perceived to have failed them

• Preoccupation with outward appearance, beauty, wealth, fame, success over morals, virtue or even integrity

• Poor emotional regulation, aggressive impulses, psychologically fragile

• Vain, self-righteous and prideful

• Lack remorse, compassion, empathy for others"

The list!! How mind blowing!! 

Toh Puan's farewell from IMU

It was in a way sad when our "mum", Toh Puan Safura who lead the MBA (IMU) programme decided to retire for good from working life. She was instrumental in the setup of the programme and we were the first "guinea pig" cohort. I can imagine all the obstacles that she had to endure in the setup and especially during the running ofthe programme with my batch. Haha 

We were in a way not too kind with a number of things but i believe it was reasonable. The programme was still at its infancy and fancy having a medical university trying to run an MBA programme. We supported her though through thick and thin. Alhamdulillah, 7 of us completed the programme during her tenure. The other 3 are on their way and they are on part time programme anyway. Hence, she had achieved success with us Insha Allah.

She threw us a party last month and it was a chance our cohort did not miss. It was some sort of reunion after the whole of 2020 being separated by the Covid19 Pandemic. It was good to meet up with the gang though we missed Sandra due to her last minute commitments. We had fun and we hope Toh Puan did too. 

The "notty" batch haha

our momento for her

the gang

MBA 1/19 Done and dusted!

Alhamdulillah, I believe that this will be one of my proudest moment in life. I completed the MBA which I started in 2019. I enjoyed this programme very much and it was an eye opener in the business runnings of healthcare setup.

I is an achievement because the reason i enrolled was to distract my mind. I was having issues then (still do haha) and I thought it a good way to channel my mind towards positive outcome. It was an interesting experience because I came into the programme as a matured student. I had nothing to lose but the potential to gain. It was a no holds barred me where in classes I express my opinion bluntly. Haha Alhamdulillah, i had good mates in the programme and was lucky that the bigger chunk were during the pre covid days. The old classroom which had hybrid online component. Who would have thought that the online mode became the future and we are all embracing this norm.

Honestly, I nearly gave up because I totally lost my motivation in 2020. Covid19 was an excuse but I just could not find the time and positivity to settle my Project Management which was the last components. Somehow, the news of the retirement of my supervisor spurred me to settle it before she retires. The ever loving and caring Prof Datuk Maimunah. I am in debt of her perseverance to sort me out before she leaves. Thank you very much Prof!

Completed my viva in mid March and Alhamdulillah, with that wasalam to MBA (Healthcare Management) (IMU) !!

with the panel Viva

What my office really looks like

Standard haha bawa macam tu je

Alhamdulilllah, I am very happy with the outcome. It was a cool mode of distraction. So what's next?

Saying hello to 2021 in April!!

I met a fellow old time blogger during the weekend. It struck me how I have neglected (yet again!) my blog. Our discussion revolved around how did we find time then to blog! I was much busier then.. in the midst of my specialty training concerned about exams. I had babies then to take care. It was almost impossible if it is compared to the time I have now. Both of us concluded its the other "short-cut" media social which has overtook our minds that we become lazy to write as how we had done then.

Opening up this blog today, i realized my last post was back in September 2020. And to realize how I did not put into record the events that took place after that! 

1) My Kinabalu 2021 feat.

2) Covid19 3rd wave in Sabah and my stint in Semporna for 1 month.

And these 2 were very significant! Adoi.. hahaha A lot going in my mind too I guess. 

Macamana nak qada? Should I qada'? 

I reckon I should as these entries will be my legacy. My kids now are at an age where they are inquisitive. The reason I blog was for this purpose anyway. Hence I must strive to persevere so that my children will know what I have in mind during this period. Perhaps making them understand too about me since I have not been physically present due to my job in Johor.

Well, lets see.