Another life event...

me n Shakti 

I would love to write lots about my trip ; but another life event which took place simultaneously certainly took the zest out of my enthusiasm.Perhaps i will share it later when i am physically and emotionally stable....

Last friday ; my wife sms'ed me ;

" Abg.. god.. my upt..its postive !!!!"

To any married couple ; that sentence would certainly put wide smiles and feeling of happiness all over. I was in fact in euphoria - but it came with caution ; The bad experiences before taught me not to jump up galantly immediately. Initially i wanted to cancel my trip ; but as it was planned for quite some time - i had to proceed. Inside me , there was this fear.. the fear of my wife's hope.

To those who don't know ; My wife had 2 unfortunate events before this.. a 7 week old miscarriage and another macerated stillbirth ; baby MYFZAL being 6 months old at about this time LAST YEAR.( I'll write something about that later.. ) Both the events certainly took a lot out of her ; and i feared that if this 3rd pregnancy was unsuccessful ; it would certainly crush her hopes and dreams.

True enough , 2 days after the positive home test kit , she started having stains ; blood stains. That caused her to be anxious ; she stopped studying and CRIB ( complete rest in bed ). She was praying night and day for god to give her the child ; something she wanted for so long. I had to put my brave face in front of her telling that it'll be alright but i had that funny feeling in me.I was praying so hard for her sake.. for her sake..

I left KL with a heavy heart. My mind kept thinking about her condition when i was climbing .I know that failure will make her devastated ; we never stopped praying and du'a to make it work.My sceptic mind was hoping that the flower glass i broke on the morning of my departure would not bring any kind of unruly "sign".

Unfortunately, the bleeding episode continued.. and we had a scan both yesterday and today - by my former mentor ; Dr Baskaran ; the feto maternal Consultant of HKL. The scan picture was not promising for a 5 week old pregnancy.The sac was irregular and no fetal pole seen. My wife broke down. She's devastated .. i know that she's really dissapointed and depressed.

It took quite sometime for her to recover last year. The depression was real and being unlucky for the third time; i cannot imagine how sad she can be now. Honestly , i dunno what to do.. My role to console and support would be the spot on answer ; but i can tell you that it is not as easy as being said.

I know that she wants be left alone right now ; so just acknowledge the news ; between this blog and yourself. No point sms'ing her or calling her for condolonces as she prefers to remain private about this.I dont think she's ready to be interviewed or would like to talk about this matter at the moment. I had to blog this down because this is what i am currently feeling inside ; i know for a fact that she's not going to be happy if she knows about this blog !!!!

Anyway , do du'a for us as i know that thisis Allah's test for us..

p/s this is no April Fool joke ...