Polishing the leaf

companion 

"In our pursuit of progress to become a developed country by 2020, the Government places great emphasis on building and making the most out of the country's human capital"
Pak Lah , Labour Day 2006

I was doing my usual Monday locum in Mr Kumar's clinic today. It was a bit boring because there were NO patients for me to see today.haks.. In terms of value for money ; it is the best place to be ! Paid fully just by sitting in !! Everybody was taking their good rest to start work fresh tomorrow. Luckily i brought some books and i managed to kill my time .

Then i realized.. Alamak.. come 31st May I will be back in school !! Oh no !! haks.. Honestly , i dunno what made me so "kiasu" to continue my studies . The urge to become a Clinical Specialist ASAP is certainly strong amongst doctors.However only a handful will continue to strive whilst others completely happy to enjoy life. Somehow ; i was vacuumed into the prospect of having to work hard and slug it out for the next four years !!

I was not the typical keen student during my med school days .Yes i am interested in medicine but long hours study was never my cup of tea. I was easily distracted by many factors ; i guess it was more interesting than slugging one's textbook day in day out. I even managed to do part time jobs for extra money ! I was always interested in human contact ; thus my endless encounter with patients in the hospital then. I find that meeting people was more exciting ; especially talking to the patients not just about their disease but on how it affected their lives ; significantly for those who are terminally ill.

Seeing wifey dwelling deep revising for her coming exams certainly scares me. I never liked medical exams but somehow i managed to pass them.I hated the written compartment but i have always enjoyed the clinical stuff. I suppose that was why i survived housemanship as i enjoyed my work very much! The long hours of pressure and exhaustion did not deter my spirit to do my job. Funny eih , to few housemanship was hell but i thoroughly enjoyed my time.

To become a Clinical Specialist , we are expected to work normally and revise after work.There is no such thing for doctors to be on "full-time study leave". I wonder whether i will be able to cope with such intense pressure , even now i am tired after a day's work.Anaesthesia is a difficult discipline especially in UM .Our Operation list will be long and demand the upmost maximum care . The challenge will be enormous to juggle between studying and work.On top of that with family life and social obligations.

Sacrifice is the big word here ; my predecessors kept reminding us to really be sure of what we want because at the end of the day ,it will be pointless not to achieve happiness !Commitment to work is vital and just look at the number of Consultants / Specialists who remained single or failed their marriage while pursuing their dreams . Well , these individuals are certainly not my idol because at the same time , there are the successful ones who achieved everything one can ever dream off.

It sounds so negative isn't it ? Biasalah , i cannot escape these doubtful thoughts as a human. Haks.. no turning back now. I know what i want and insya-allah , god willing i will be there . Wish me luck !!!