A loss

Alfatihah


I was studyin.. ( well.. was on my study table trying really hard.. ) last night , waiting for the England game when i received an SMS from Papa. Tok Jah had peacefully passed away at about 930pm Sunday night after being ill for about 1 month in Kuantan. It abrupted my pathetic attempt to study and made preparations to go back to Kuantan. Wifey could not find a replacement for her call and I went back with Papa and Mama after Subuh early this morning.

I don't know Tok Jah really well but we would often visit her everytime we are in Kuantan. My father's life story is a bit complicated you see. She is my father's real mother. She was married to my real grandfather ; Atuk Salleh in Terengganu. I never really knew what happened , but soon after my father's birth he was taken care by Tok Jah's sister , mak tuk and the man i called Atuk Aki , arwah my grandfather who passed away 2 years ago. Atuk Salleh and Tok Jah got divorced and both married somebody else. Tok Jah was married to Arwah Tok Mubin and had 9 children with him. Atuk Salleh remarried twice ( I'm carrying his genes you know.. hahaha.. ) , and had LOADS of children. I don't really know the clan of Batu 6 in Kuala Terengganu. I never understood the complexity of the family tree until i finished school. I used to boast of having the most grandparents of all time !!

Honestly,I am very curious but I had never asked my father why Atuk Salleh and Tuk Jah separated ; maybe Papa don't know too.Will it be a sensitive question ? Papa was taken care well by Atuk Aki and Maktuk who coincidentally had fertility problems ; at the same time occasionally would still be in contact with Tok Jah who was in Kampung Padang. My father has always been respected as the eldest brother amongst the siblings of a different father. Uncle Samad / Husin / Hasan / Mat Kassim / Amir / Zul / Mak cik Sah / Nor and Che Mek Su ( who is a trisomy 21 ). We seldom go to Kuantan for Ist day of Raya ; and i could scarcely sense Papa's loneliness of exile when we were there. If I am not mistaken , 1992 was the first time we slept and celebrated Raya together in KAmpung Padang. We were more to PRO- MUAR rather then Pahang -Terengganu.

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We arrived in Kampung Padang at about 9am. Papa drove quite fast and the highway certainly makes travelling to Kuantan more convenient.It was very busy - everybody was waiting in the lawn area.The kampung atmosphere was really alive here. Arwah Tok Mubin was somebody who was wealthy , and his land area is quite handsome. Its like a small complex with small houses (occupied by his children) surrounding the main block ; and a dedicated surau in the middle of the complex.

Tok Jah's body had already been cleaned and the "kapan" was set. It was time for all the siblings to come in and have their last look before the face is covered.Papa was given the honour to lead the pack - being the eldest. I could feel the sadness and as i looked at everybody's face. Uncle Samad to Muldip had tears running after kissing their beloved mum for the last time.It was interesting to see how they try to hide their tears by distracting themselves by hugging their babies.

We prayed for Tok Jah in the built in surau - it was led by Uncle Zul , one of my uncles who is an Ustaz by profession. It was certainly touching to see how Tok Jah's children independently organized the event just now ; with knowledge and confidence. I suppose every parent would want this trait in their children and yearning for Sallehs and Sollehahs after every prayers.

I could not hold back my tears during the Talqin. I suppose nobody could when hearing Uncle Zul reciting the holy words . He was full of emotion and love ; having to stop a couple of times . He stattered ; not because of the jitters as he had done it dozens of time but he was trying very hard to stop himself from crying out loud. It was amazing to see how all the men there just cried and felt the true feeling of love shown by her son.

That was the end to a plentiful life lived by Atuk Jah for 84 years. Dzaeffran will never know her personally ; maybe descriptively in the future when he reads this blog entry. It was an emotional day but that is what life is all about. How we live our life in this world is at god's will and when the time comes ; He will take back what belongs to him. Alfatihah to my dear nenek.. and Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat..