Most horrible

Today was my most horrible moment in my entire anaesthesia career. Never say anaesthesia is 100% safe especially for the little tiny ones.
We nearly lost a 52 day old baby in OT - not because of the operation but because of anaesthesia . Until now we could not figure out what went wrong ; did she had anaphylaxis ? Did she had severe vaso-vagal response on intubation ? My specialist was very sure the tube was in but the capnograph was not visible ; and of course panic button was activated when the heart rate just went down and her face turned blue.
We had to start CPR immediately on her to help her circulation going ; I was praying hard to god that this will not be the last time i see her because otherwise she was well before the anaesthesia.( She had something though which needed to be investigated via anaesthesia but it was of no risk to the procedure ) Resuscitated all our might on this lovely 3kg baby. Thank god it did not take too long to get back her heart rate racing and the capnograph tracing. She was however very acidotic ; evidence of hypoxia and the near arrest . She was on the verge of losing her life !!!
Of course , nothing is ok for sure as she is now being observed in the paediatrics ICU. Went there directly after my other 2 cases today to see her progress . I am so worried , felt really demoralized and down . I remembered explaining to the mother on Friday during pre-med about the possible complications and it happened ;- if it could be well explained i reckon it is fair enough ; but neither me ,my specialist nor my consultant can pin point the direct cause. And that is a bummer because somehow it is related to anaesthesia..
I am praying hard that she will be ok , because i cannot stop thinking about the event , maybe lasted for 10 - 15 minutes but it felt forever. And the nightmare remains , i dunno whether i can sleep well tonight..