Hope

8 weeks old 

I dont know if it will be a miracle..The heart has started beating. and it is slowly growing. There is however a mass growing together with the sac. Can't really give a full diagnosis yet ; either a chorioangioma or achardiac twin.It can only be determined after another few weeks. It is still very early at this stage. Both consultants said they can't do anything for now. Just wait , rest and pray hard.

SO dear friends.. do pray for us.

A looooong break..

The big group & me with the green jacket !! 

Yups.. I'm back !! haks.. it was very unfortunate that my hotel did not have any internet connection. Talking about Malaysia going to be developed and modern in 2020. There were few cyber cafes around but the thing was my timetable was so tight that i did not bother to find time to go about and blog !! Haks.. anyway i survived the 14 gruelsome days !!

I was placed with Dr Shukor , a former medical department colleague. The cool thing about our room was there were only the two of us in the apartment unit !! Other participants had to be in groups of four !! Haks..Even though the view of our room : room 408 was crap but nevertheless i really do appreciate the privacy.

There were 96 of us ; in various fields of medicine ; there were science officers , pharmacists , nurses , Admin assistants and IT technicians . It was a mixed bunch and i guess the boys gelled pretty well.

The objective of the course was to cramp our brains with information regarding Government general orders , government Circulars , Gov. Financial Orders , Islam Hadhari and History of Malaysia. Malaysia's Policies throughout the years were explained and obviously the lectures can sometimes be boring. At the end of two weeks which was this morning , we were to take the gov. induction exam and we have to pass this to be confirmed.


1st day act 

I was ; well i consider it to be unlucky appointed as the chief Panghulu in taking care off the 96 participants ! I guess the reason for my overwhelmed vote of confidence was my acting in the sketch that we performed !! haks.. Guessed the Power Ranger kid became popular !!! haks..

I had fun during my 14 days..We start off the morning with Negaraku and a choice of a patriotic song. Then everybody had to give a 5 minute public speaking . It was funny when one of the group leaders Krishnan gave a fiery speech ..taksub to Tun Mahathir.. hahahaha.. Imagine ..he was able to convince us that Tun was the first person to mention Malaysia Boleh !! hahaahha..

In the evenings we had games and it was organized by Shukor's group. We played volleyball , a telematch was held , had tai-chi session , senam robik.. etc. I picked up a new hobby by the way .. Flying kites.. !! Haks.. i never had the chance when i was younger and a colleague from Dentistry was kind enough to menurunkan ilmu ..and surprisingly it was fun eventhough the kite we bought was only for 50 sen !! haks.. It flew up more than 150 meters.. we had to stop at that height because there was no more string !!


the puppy who followed me while playing the kite 

It was a bit tiring towards the end ; the exams stress was lifted when one of the improtant lecturers gave us obvious clues.. and it all came out during the exam today !!! haks...

It was fun to be involved in such activity again.. I am dreading to be on call On Monday.. Arrgggh...

Escapade

The official letter 

I'm off today to PD - Bayu Beach Resort. Never been there before but according to my parents , its ok as government courses are usually held there.Dont really know whether it'll be a holiday or not.. haks.. according to my wife ; the 2 weeks programme will be tight and can be stressful. Learning about Malaysia ( i think i'll be ok in this department ) as well as the General Orders , structure and system of The Health Ministry in concordance as a responsible government officer.One needs this induction course thingy to be confirmed ( which means that one can take full advantage of all the perks and claims ).

Again i'll leave Haniza .. but of course with a heavy heart. She'll be ok ; with all the current happening to face her exams next Saturday. But being her.. insya-allah she'll pass the exams.I have all the confidence in her abilities to the irony of her being not!I hope too that my brother can be sorted out by next week to ensure his recovery..

OK.. hope to be able to blog during this 2 weeks !!


p/s haks.. dah sedap dah menulis..

New things..

I dont have to go to work today !! Woohooo... My name was not on the list as my name is listed for the Induction course , which i will be going tomorrow.

Yesterdays OT was long... so long... even though i was on the pm shift ; but the procedure done was so long. Neurosurgery maah.. they were excising the tumour - meningioma at the Right frontal area of the brain. It was so tedious - i suppose thats why its hard to become a neurosurgeon. The patient was fairly stable eventhough his Blood presssure was a bit labile. IMagine.. i was there from 2 pm till 9pm.. and the process was only 20% done !! hahaha.. they were saying that it is a 24 hour thingy - more than expected as the tumour was not as straightforward as it should be.. Luckily i was not asked to stay on.. and luckily no emergency case were expected for another 3-4 hours at 9pm.. pppuhh.. selamat.. kalua tak.. i suppose i have to stay lar for a while. Kesian to my on call colleague..

Anyway , this morning i repaired my power window. Tried to install a new set but the consultant ( hahaha.. Ah Ping Brother Peter.. ) suggested that i change to manual window. Haks.. senang , takyah pening2 nak fikir if it beocmes a problem again , which is actually expected. And as a friend told mwe , Now i will be able to enjoy lowering my car window at toll booths !! hahahahhaa... so used to opening my door..

And.. i got my new ray-ban glasses. hahahahah.. it is a bit RETRO.. i dunno what got into me when choosing the frame ; but then belasah jer laa.. haks.. i will not post any pic on my new spectacles yet.. haks.. sort of a surprise if you meet me anywhere btw today and tomorrow !!

haks.. tomorrow i'm off to PD. Lets hope they have internet connected computer at the resort ; therefore i maybe able to renew my blog with my daily activities there..

Cheerios.. nak gi smayang Jumaat...

A passing..

 

I dunno whether this news will be on the media tomorrow , but what happened today was sad , for my medical department colleagues .

At about 2 pm today , i received an sms from a fellow doc in Kajang. Apparently there was this news spreading that a doctor collapsed and died in HKL.

As i was in the OT I quickly contacted Shakti , and he confirmed the news. It was a friend , a fellow colleague of ours ; Wan Saiful. It happened so fast and i dont recall any similar event happening in HKL medical department ever.

He's my age ; thin and pleasant looking. Just came back from holiday in Indonesia ( he;'s Kelantanese eih.. ) unmarried , always smiling and very pleasant to work with. He was on third call today.. talk about dying on the job !!

( as being told by Shakti )
Place : Physicians Clinic session near afternoon.

He was attached to the gastro team ; therefore seeing gastroenterology cases for the day in the clinic. When the incident happened , he was answering a pager call ; perhaps a nonsense referral from the orthopaedics department . According to a colleague who was there ; he suddenly fell down. Running to his seat , he was already cyanosed ( blue ).

The whole clinic went beserk ; all the doctors came over to see whats happening.The resus team was activated ; he was not breathing ; ECG actually showed asystole ! Within seconds Dr Raj intubated him ; and they immediately performed CPR. Shakti and Dr Anil took turns to do CPR. It was really bad. They defibrillated him , but the ECG went VT. and then shock again... asystole.Adrenaline.. atropine.. It was really havoc.The cycle went on for 2 hours. I was not there but i can imagine the trauma and stress. The head of department thinkin.. damn.. my MO collapsed !! Anaes team arrived stat , and an IJN consultant came over to help but to no avail.. Ajal maut di tangan tuhan.

His parents were in Beijing.. and i can imagine the trauma hearing their 28 year old doctor child.. died of Myocardial Infarction ( heart attack ).

What happened to him today made me realize that.. KUN FAYA KUN. if god says it , than it is. We are just his mortal human beings ; subjected to his mercy and plan. We can never know . Nothing can be done ....

if one assesses his health ; he has no such history , thin.. i mean.. i am more of a risk factor to just Die from MI !!!

p/s Alfatihah to arwah Wan Saiful...

Stressful day..

my dearest glasses  

Waaahh.. the morning went bad when out of the blue , my "rimless" specs decided that today it'll disengage. I was so pissed off. 2 things to settle . Dahla semalam my car window malfunctioned and i had to use Haniza's car to work today.

Then on the way to hospital , i realized i left my car sticker !! haaaarrrkkk... can't park in the staff area without the sticker. So i had to turn back home just to pick it up. Ooohh.. dah la the weather was a bit warm today !! Imagine . everything that could go wrong went wrong earlier today.. I was so irritable .( for those who know me well..yes it was one of those days... ) Luckily now i am in anaes...if i was still doing medicine.. hm..kesian patient2 hari ni..

I was on the afternoon shift. Breast endocrine list. Then my good luck starts to shine here. I only had one mastectomy to do till 6pm. Haks !! kewl.. but the uncool thing was My specialist was not around to supervise me... haks.. tapi dah besar kan.. so i did everything on my own.. haks.. gile lawak.. but I managed it well .. good eih ??

Anyway , home today.. witch Secret Recipe's choc cheese.. hmmm... memang the ultimate cheese cake !!


hmmmmmmm! 

Busy weekend

caught unaware 

Did my first call on Saturday !! haks.. it was the emergency General OT call !! I was lucky Basir was on call as well ; learned wuite a lot on how to handle cases OUTSIDE the OT !! hahaha.. he is loud but i guess effective in getting things done.The call was good - slept from 2 am onwards ; no pending cases all done by then.

It was quite scary at first when i was left alone in the OT. Heks.. during emergencies ; Specialists will not always be available and one has to make decisions fast. This is different from the elective list where somehow or rather we're quite protected. But i suppose i have to be more independent as i cannot depend on them all the time eventhough i'm a rookie.

I was lucky that all intubations and intra Op handling was uncomplicated last night. Unlike Eric who was struggling with the trauma call. It was a nightmare for him when i was asked to help out the bleeding patient. It was a 72 year old indian with fracture neck of femur. He was bleeding like hell and his BP was crashing. He was panicking and so was my specialist !! hahahahaha... we managed to complete the op but the outcome did not look good. His ECG t waves were flattenin.. and that is not at all encouraging. dont really know what happened to him after that because he went to ICU.

My Laparotomy for intestinal Obstruction went OK. Initially the intubation was a bit tricky as his teeth were like everywhere !! hahaha..if i were to lever my laryngoscope carelessly , any of the teeth would have gone !! hak.. it was quite funny manipulating as the nurse was asking me what i was doing..it was a bit unconventional but haks.. the tube went in anyway !!! His BP went down towards the end but it was managable. haks.. As long as they are ok going to the ward.

********************************************************************************

It was suppose to be a cool day today post call , but the stupid indian car washer decided to lower down my car window !! you guys know "lah" Proton cars with their power window. I've sort of not switch it on for like more than one year.. and this bugger decided to do it when i sent my car for a wash today !! Really spoiled my day.. cause i cannot get it up sealed again !! Damn.. luckily Haniza is not using her Kelisa.. looks like Kelisa ride to the hospital for the coming 2 days..

Why i'm up so late is because i 've just completed my draft presentation for the Mortality report. This was a Gynae case done late last month. I have to return the ticket tomorrow to OnG boss and i only started looking at the ticket about 9pm today.. woooaahh.. manyak letih ooo.. Haks.. well , it was not my fault that the patient died ; quite interesting on how her BP crashed after extubation. She really had a bad metabolic acidosis but her renal function was perfect . Hmmm.. i'm suppose to comment on that ; i'll do that tomorrow !! haks.. just finished copying all the results and facts from the op.

btw - I'll be going for HKL's induction course for a whole two weeks next week !! Woohooo..cuti panjang maah !!! haks.. i don't mind going ; though at the end of the course i am suppose to pass the PTK exams. IT is something to do with my confirmation as a government officer. In a way it is not so relevant with my current career , but being in the government of Malaysia's pay scale.. amik la.. Well , i love these things and i don't mind going for it !! Its always enjoyable they say !!

Ok la.. terpanjang lak tulis.. haks.. nanti la..sambung esok..

The complete set

 

i only realized that i posted only 3 out of the 4 photos available the other day . This is the last link...

Testing times

 

It shows huh when one's not in the mood to write ;i have not updated my blog for quite some time . Haks.. even my Kinabalu journey journals somehow postponed due to the roller coaster ride of events this week. Anyway , if you would like to see the pics.. posted in mafeitz.fotopages.com ( haks.. now i have one too !!! )

It is a testing time for the family. Some how i have to be the strong one to handle the current crisis .It was a "happening scene" yesterday but i believed that it was for the best. I had to make decisions which was quite extreme ; but i dont think anybody else in the family was brave enough to act.

Silently, I am praying to Allah for everything to turn allright.

*sad*

Its hard..

the sun will shine again.. 

"Feeling sad about a loss is tough...
Mourning recurrent loss is harder..

Stay tough dear.. I'm with you.. "


and it will be more beautiful than ever..  

JONAH month..

Come to think of it.. April is a very JONAH month for me. Lots of my unwarranted life event happened during this month as long as i can remember.

About 11 years ago ; a tragedy strucked me , Dil and Fiqar . We were involved in a bad car accident ; more because of our own doing. Cant really blame anybody else for it. THe funny thing is it happened near home.. and it was at noon.. on the 2nd of April 1994.

DIl's dad just bought the new AEROKIT.. A sports car version of PROTON AEROBACK. At that time i suppose it was the "in" car and only few were made. Waiting for SPM results which was just around the corner , we had plenty of time. The trigger was simple , Fiqar somehow happened to be at my place , Dil ringed me up ; ajak gi kedai beli santan... hehehehe.. it was that simple at about 12 noon !!!


aftermath 

So off we went , the three of us to Ravoof Anwar ( the current Perodua car store )And beli la the santan. The car was fast.. and it was really stupid for us to act as if we were race drivers. On the way back , Fiqar drove the car , me on the passengers seat and Dil at the back.It was ok initially.. but suddenly another car came and sort of "tried" us... so apa lagi kan.. macam cikgu la mengajar kawan...


giller..damn... 

And as we approach a corner ( Jalan Datuk SUlaiman stretch ).. there was a car in front of us which was travelling at a snail's speed.We went panic.. The car got out of control.. We hit the centre divider , the car flewwww offff .... macam cerita stunt!!! I remembered that the car made a double twist on air.. and we landed on our roof.. "turtle" bak kata org kita... and it skidded... Here .. Dil actually slipped out of the car through the broken back window. The car skidded more than 10 meters i think.. My head hit the roof and i cant really remember what happened next.. mengucap jer la at that time.. thinkin.. was it time for me to go ?


stuntman malaysia 

The next thing i know.. We were upside down...trapped in the car. Fiqar was already out of the car..he was calling me to get out of the car.. I was not able to get out as my side was dented . The only thing that urged me to get out of the car was my recollection of cars that blow off after accidents in the movies !!! hahahaha.. I had to crawl out through the drivers seat.. The traffic went to a halt.. People actually stopped to help us out ; being prime time after half workin-day Saturday.

We were all lucky to escape with minor bruises. The car really looked bad as how you can see from the picture.I suppose , somehow we escaped death unhurt. I suppose , it was not suppose to be our time ; we were young and reckless. But i guess it was an experience of a lifetime ; i can still remember the thrill ... It was so adrenaline... Even the feeling of my roller coaster rides across the continent will never match the RUSH i had when we were tumblin over that day...

Another life event...

me n Shakti 

I would love to write lots about my trip ; but another life event which took place simultaneously certainly took the zest out of my enthusiasm.Perhaps i will share it later when i am physically and emotionally stable....

Last friday ; my wife sms'ed me ;

" Abg.. god.. my upt..its postive !!!!"

To any married couple ; that sentence would certainly put wide smiles and feeling of happiness all over. I was in fact in euphoria - but it came with caution ; The bad experiences before taught me not to jump up galantly immediately. Initially i wanted to cancel my trip ; but as it was planned for quite some time - i had to proceed. Inside me , there was this fear.. the fear of my wife's hope.

To those who don't know ; My wife had 2 unfortunate events before this.. a 7 week old miscarriage and another macerated stillbirth ; baby MYFZAL being 6 months old at about this time LAST YEAR.( I'll write something about that later.. ) Both the events certainly took a lot out of her ; and i feared that if this 3rd pregnancy was unsuccessful ; it would certainly crush her hopes and dreams.

True enough , 2 days after the positive home test kit , she started having stains ; blood stains. That caused her to be anxious ; she stopped studying and CRIB ( complete rest in bed ). She was praying night and day for god to give her the child ; something she wanted for so long. I had to put my brave face in front of her telling that it'll be alright but i had that funny feeling in me.I was praying so hard for her sake.. for her sake..

I left KL with a heavy heart. My mind kept thinking about her condition when i was climbing .I know that failure will make her devastated ; we never stopped praying and du'a to make it work.My sceptic mind was hoping that the flower glass i broke on the morning of my departure would not bring any kind of unruly "sign".

Unfortunately, the bleeding episode continued.. and we had a scan both yesterday and today - by my former mentor ; Dr Baskaran ; the feto maternal Consultant of HKL. The scan picture was not promising for a 5 week old pregnancy.The sac was irregular and no fetal pole seen. My wife broke down. She's devastated .. i know that she's really dissapointed and depressed.

It took quite sometime for her to recover last year. The depression was real and being unlucky for the third time; i cannot imagine how sad she can be now. Honestly , i dunno what to do.. My role to console and support would be the spot on answer ; but i can tell you that it is not as easy as being said.

I know that she wants be left alone right now ; so just acknowledge the news ; between this blog and yourself. No point sms'ing her or calling her for condolonces as she prefers to remain private about this.I dont think she's ready to be interviewed or would like to talk about this matter at the moment. I had to blog this down because this is what i am currently feeling inside ; i know for a fact that she's not going to be happy if she knows about this blog !!!!

Anyway , do du'a for us as i know that thisis Allah's test for us..

p/s this is no April Fool joke ...

"I did it..." 30 MARCH 2005

Foreseeing the future.... 


ze proof... 

Just for her..

I'll miss you dear..so much... 

A first for the ALUMNI

Attended SMTTDI's PIBG AGM with Azad ,Dil , Juwie and Fiqar. Ahmad Hassan Chen was there too. Our main objective was to present the ALUMNI proposal; something of a must as 2005 marks the school's silver jubilee. However , that was not the sole reason why we were there. We were "plan B" - back up for our dear Ustaz - who was expecting heavy fire by the PIBG committee.

I was quite surprised to see politicking in a society such as this. Enough scandals and turmoil in UMNO , but PIBG ??? It was funny though to see so called grown-ups quarellin because of a very VERY SMALL MATTER. That's the typical PHD of the Malays i suppose. I cant stop smiling seeing how they argue among themselves where on certain parts were ridiculous and so childish. " Orang selalu buat saya macam ni... " hahahaha.. DUUUHHHH...

Anyway , we didn't say much as Ustaz managed to plan it well that it did not have to come to us to salvage him. He sort of "won" the battle in a big way !!

I had to replace Azad ( he had to go as it was runnin late.. his wife was not happy waiting to be picked up ) to explain to the crowd regarding the latest development of the ALUMNI ; not much though !! But i reckon that it will follow through a positive exponential curve in the near future.

p/s Missed Hasli's wedding because of some family commitment.( read in Dil's blog.. must be really GRAND !! Damn.. i like weddings !! ) May your marriage decorated with long lasting happiness.. Hasli and Adita !!!

Achieving Greater Heights...

"Conquer the two towers and return as a king !!!" 

I'll be off to KK early tomorrow morning. Feeling pretty excited about it! Only Shakti and me will be the ones from KL as others decided to chicken out !! haks.. Well , I've always wanted to conquer Kinabalu as I've climbed Tahan and Ledang before. Now the next frontier. Funny though , the idea came about during one of my lunches and we just decided to proceed with it. End of March ??? what timing.. hahahahaha My wife initially was not keen for me to go , especially during this time of need. But she's ok about it. Study smart sayang..

I hope my one month jog had helped me with the stamina to climb the mountain. They say it is not as difficult as Tahan , but the altitude change can create problems ; eg hypoxia . the syndrome etc. Well , though my weight did not change much but i feel much fitter compared to where i was about a month ago. Well , i 'll write the journey experience when i return.


Me packin' up for the trip.. See the Yelllow t-shirt ? haks.. For TEKADMONS 

The funny thing is.. till date ; i still dont know how i'm gonna get to KLIA early tomorrow mornin. Dont think that ERL will be up by then or the coach.. Hmm.. have to find a way lah somehow.. hahahahaha

Anyway , I'm off to TTDI to give my father and Muti the meninggococcal jab for their UMRAH trip. I have to thank Dr Omar for kindly giving me the vaccines. Haks.. best giller boss locum. Anyway , wish me luck for the climb and see you guys later !!

Art

Ahhh... the gynae list for tomorrow. Mals lak nak gi hospital.. Need to read up before going in !!! 4 TAHBSOs in a row.. All with epidural. Definitely good practice to increase my competency.



his and hers phone

ok tak.. cam art la ni.. photography...

Mata kepet...

 

As usual , me always the last to experience the in-thing and trend ; managed to catch up SEPET last night. We have this free GSC coupon for redemption and what better film to watch if not the most talked about movie in Mesia.Initially we wanted to watch it on thursday there's no more 9.20 pm shows just the 4.40pm. NEXT batch of movies runnin you see.. so i managed to secure the tickets for last nite's show...

I was impressed by the turn out. Even though screen 8 has a much smaller capacity ; it managed to attract full house !! And true enough - It was Malaysians who watched it. Not just the Malays ; Chinese and Indians as well. In fact the chinese Malaysians dominated the movie seats !! I guess the movie must have been recommended by mouth and people actually flock up the cinemas to watch it.( though i know a friend who bought VCD HARAM.. hahaha )

The movie was sweet.. and i must say the quality is excellent. It had a good script and made the audience laugh simultaneously.Obviously the movie had a good flow and did not bore the audience. The realism it brought certainly made people digest the movie ; direct as well as indirect issues raised. It was interesting to see cultures clashing and somehow i hope do make people understand about each other. It was cute how the relationship evolved ; like how we dream of a love life when we were younger.. JASON n ORKED.. their parents.. certainly reflecting our own lifestyle ..

In Malaysia , the understanding amongst races is still not achieved eventhough we've been independent for 47 years.Suspicion and unresolved inequality issues become the main barrier for absolute unity. There are however pros and cons for every idealistic views - It is unfortunate that X,Y and Z generation were not really educated well regarding our unique constitution and ways ; hence prolonging the "invisible" hatred among each other.We tend to deny it and politicians seem to say that everything is ok.. The truth ? the truth is out there..

Enough of the serious stuff !!! Watching the movie brought a lot of sweet memories ; having history of SEPETS ( pure n celups ! ) myself !! hahahaha.. My preference mmaaahh... In fact ; my current wifey has sepets ancestry !! Her arwah grandfather ; the famous SEPET of Kampung Baru !!! Anyway , thumbs up for Malaysia Movie after PGL..

p/s Kamcheng brothers will alwiz remember D SEPET associated with me in school.. hahahahahahaahaa

Playing around with the digicam..

Remeber Aidiladha this year ? Haaa.. ni pic to prove my bare-hand qurban !!



Scoupie the Cat.. missing since May 2004. I love this cat ; lots of memories.



The MAMATS ..