Saturday, April 16, 2005


The official letter Posted by Hello

I'm off today to PD - Bayu Beach Resort. Never been there before but according to my parents , its ok as government courses are usually held there.Dont really know whether it'll be a holiday or not.. haks.. according to my wife ; the 2 weeks programme will be tight and can be stressful. Learning about Malaysia ( i think i'll be ok in this department ) as well as the General Orders , structure and system of The Health Ministry in concordance as a responsible government officer.One needs this induction course thingy to be confirmed ( which means that one can take full advantage of all the perks and claims ).

Again i'll leave Haniza .. but of course with a heavy heart. She'll be ok ; with all the current happening to face her exams next Saturday. But being her.. insya-allah she'll pass the exams.I have all the confidence in her abilities to the irony of her being not!I hope too that my brother can be sorted out by next week to ensure his recovery..

OK.. hope to be able to blog during this 2 weeks !!

p/s haks.. dah sedap dah menulis..

Friday, April 15, 2005

New things..

I dont have to go to work today !! Woohooo... My name was not on the list as my name is listed for the Induction course , which i will be going tomorrow.

Yesterdays OT was long... so long... even though i was on the pm shift ; but the procedure done was so long. Neurosurgery maah.. they were excising the tumour - meningioma at the Right frontal area of the brain. It was so tedious - i suppose thats why its hard to become a neurosurgeon. The patient was fairly stable eventhough his Blood presssure was a bit labile. IMagine.. i was there from 2 pm till 9pm.. and the process was only 20% done !! hahaha.. they were saying that it is a 24 hour thingy - more than expected as the tumour was not as straightforward as it should be.. Luckily i was not asked to stay on.. and luckily no emergency case were expected for another 3-4 hours at 9pm.. pppuhh.. selamat.. kalua tak.. i suppose i have to stay lar for a while. Kesian to my on call colleague..

Anyway , this morning i repaired my power window. Tried to install a new set but the consultant ( hahaha.. Ah Ping Brother Peter.. ) suggested that i change to manual window. Haks.. senang , takyah pening2 nak fikir if it beocmes a problem again , which is actually expected. And as a friend told mwe , Now i will be able to enjoy lowering my car window at toll booths !! hahahahhaa... so used to opening my door..

And.. i got my new ray-ban glasses. hahahahah.. it is a bit RETRO.. i dunno what got into me when choosing the frame ; but then belasah jer laa.. haks.. i will not post any pic on my new spectacles yet.. haks.. sort of a surprise if you meet me anywhere btw today and tomorrow !!

haks.. tomorrow i'm off to PD. Lets hope they have internet connected computer at the resort ; therefore i maybe able to renew my blog with my daily activities there..

Cheerios.. nak gi smayang Jumaat...

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

A passing..

 Posted by Hello

I dunno whether this news will be on the media tomorrow , but what happened today was sad , for my medical department colleagues .

At about 2 pm today , i received an sms from a fellow doc in Kajang. Apparently there was this news spreading that a doctor collapsed and died in HKL.

As i was in the OT I quickly contacted Shakti , and he confirmed the news. It was a friend , a fellow colleague of ours ; Wan Saiful. It happened so fast and i dont recall any similar event happening in HKL medical department ever.

He's my age ; thin and pleasant looking. Just came back from holiday in Indonesia ( he;'s Kelantanese eih.. ) unmarried , always smiling and very pleasant to work with. He was on third call today.. talk about dying on the job !!

( as being told by Shakti )

Place : Physicians Clinic session near afternoon.

He was attached to the gastro team ; therefore seeing gastroenterology cases for the day in the clinic. When the incident happened , he was answering a pager call ; perhaps a nonsense referral from the orthopaedics department . According to a colleague who was there ; he suddenly fell down. Running to his seat , he was already cyanosed ( blue ).

The whole clinic went beserk ; all the doctors came over to see whats happening.The resus team was activated ; he was not breathing ; ECG actually showed asystole ! Within seconds Dr Raj intubated him ; and they immediately performed CPR. Shakti and Dr Anil took turns to do CPR. It was really bad. They defibrillated him , but the ECG went VT. and then shock again... asystole.Adrenaline.. atropine.. It was really havoc.The cycle went on for 2 hours. I was not there but i can imagine the trauma and stress. The head of department thinkin.. damn.. my MO collapsed !! Anaes team arrived stat , and an IJN consultant came over to help but to no avail.. Ajal maut di tangan tuhan.

His parents were in Beijing.. and i can imagine the trauma hearing their 28 year old doctor child.. died of Myocardial Infarction ( heart attack ).

What happened to him today made me realize that.. KUN FAYA KUN. if god says it , than it is. We are just his mortal human beings ; subjected to his mercy and plan. We can never know . Nothing can be done ....

if one assesses his health ; he has no such history , thin.. i mean.. i am more of a risk factor to just Die from MI !!!

p/s Alfatihah to arwah Wan Saiful...

Monday, April 11, 2005

Stressful day..

my dearest glasses  Posted by Hello

Waaahh.. the morning went bad when out of the blue , my "rimless" specs decided that today it'll disengage. I was so pissed off. 2 things to settle . Dahla semalam my car window malfunctioned and i had to use Haniza's car to work today.

Then on the way to hospital , i realized i left my car sticker !! haaaarrrkkk... can't park in the staff area without the sticker. So i had to turn back home just to pick it up. Ooohh.. dah la the weather was a bit warm today !! Imagine . everything that could go wrong went wrong earlier today.. I was so irritable .( for those who know me well..yes it was one of those days... ) Luckily now i am in anaes...if i was still doing medicine.. hm..kesian patient2 hari ni..

I was on the afternoon shift. Breast endocrine list. Then my good luck starts to shine here. I only had one mastectomy to do till 6pm. Haks !! kewl.. but the uncool thing was My specialist was not around to supervise me... haks.. tapi dah besar kan.. so i did everything on my own.. haks.. gile lawak.. but I managed it well .. good eih ??

Anyway , home today.. witch Secret Recipe's choc cheese.. hmmm... memang the ultimate cheese cake !!

hmmmmmmm! Posted by Hello

Busy weekend

caught unaware Posted by Hello

Did my first call on Saturday !! haks.. it was the emergency General OT call !! I was lucky Basir was on call as well ; learned wuite a lot on how to handle cases OUTSIDE the OT !! hahaha.. he is loud but i guess effective in getting things done.The call was good - slept from 2 am onwards ; no pending cases all done by then.

It was quite scary at first when i was left alone in the OT. Heks.. during emergencies ; Specialists will not always be available and one has to make decisions fast. This is different from the elective list where somehow or rather we're quite protected. But i suppose i have to be more independent as i cannot depend on them all the time eventhough i'm a rookie.

I was lucky that all intubations and intra Op handling was uncomplicated last night. Unlike Eric who was struggling with the trauma call. It was a nightmare for him when i was asked to help out the bleeding patient. It was a 72 year old indian with fracture neck of femur. He was bleeding like hell and his BP was crashing. He was panicking and so was my specialist !! hahahahaha... we managed to complete the op but the outcome did not look good. His ECG t waves were flattenin.. and that is not at all encouraging. dont really know what happened to him after that because he went to ICU.

My Laparotomy for intestinal Obstruction went OK. Initially the intubation was a bit tricky as his teeth were like everywhere !! hahaha..if i were to lever my laryngoscope carelessly , any of the teeth would have gone !! hak.. it was quite funny manipulating as the nurse was asking me what i was was a bit unconventional but haks.. the tube went in anyway !!! His BP went down towards the end but it was managable. haks.. As long as they are ok going to the ward.


It was suppose to be a cool day today post call , but the stupid indian car washer decided to lower down my car window !! you guys know "lah" Proton cars with their power window. I've sort of not switch it on for like more than one year.. and this bugger decided to do it when i sent my car for a wash today !! Really spoiled my day.. cause i cannot get it up sealed again !! Damn.. luckily Haniza is not using her Kelisa.. looks like Kelisa ride to the hospital for the coming 2 days..

Why i'm up so late is because i 've just completed my draft presentation for the Mortality report. This was a Gynae case done late last month. I have to return the ticket tomorrow to OnG boss and i only started looking at the ticket about 9pm today.. woooaahh.. manyak letih ooo.. Haks.. well , it was not my fault that the patient died ; quite interesting on how her BP crashed after extubation. She really had a bad metabolic acidosis but her renal function was perfect . Hmmm.. i'm suppose to comment on that ; i'll do that tomorrow !! haks.. just finished copying all the results and facts from the op.

btw - I'll be going for HKL's induction course for a whole two weeks next week !! Woohooo..cuti panjang maah !!! haks.. i don't mind going ; though at the end of the course i am suppose to pass the PTK exams. IT is something to do with my confirmation as a government officer. In a way it is not so relevant with my current career , but being in the government of Malaysia's pay scale.. amik la.. Well , i love these things and i don't mind going for it !! Its always enjoyable they say !!

Ok la.. terpanjang lak tulis.. haks.. nanti la..sambung esok..

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The complete set

 Posted by Hello

i only realized that i posted only 3 out of the 4 photos available the other day . This is the last link...

Testing times

 Posted by Hello

It shows huh when one's not in the mood to write ;i have not updated my blog for quite some time . Haks.. even my Kinabalu journey journals somehow postponed due to the roller coaster ride of events this week. Anyway , if you would like to see the pics.. posted in ( haks.. now i have one too !!! )

It is a testing time for the family. Some how i have to be the strong one to handle the current crisis .It was a "happening scene" yesterday but i believed that it was for the best. I had to make decisions which was quite extreme ; but i dont think anybody else in the family was brave enough to act.

Silently, I am praying to Allah for everything to turn allright.


Sunday, April 03, 2005

Its hard..

the sun will shine again.Posted by Hello

"Feeling sad about a loss is tough...
Mourning recurrent loss is harder..

Stay tough dear.. I'm with you.. "

and it will be more beautiful than ever..  Posted by Hello

JONAH month..

Come to think of it.. April is a very JONAH month for me. Lots of my unwarranted life event happened during this month as long as i can remember.

About 11 years ago ; a tragedy strucked me , Dil and Fiqar . We were involved in a bad car accident ; more because of our own doing. Cant really blame anybody else for it. THe funny thing is it happened near home.. and it was at noon.. on the 2nd of April 1994.

DIl's dad just bought the new AEROKIT.. A sports car version of PROTON AEROBACK. At that time i suppose it was the "in" car and only few were made. Waiting for SPM results which was just around the corner , we had plenty of time. The trigger was simple , Fiqar somehow happened to be at my place , Dil ringed me up ; ajak gi kedai beli santan... hehehehe.. it was that simple at about 12 noon !!!

aftermath Posted by Hello

So off we went , the three of us to Ravoof Anwar ( the current Perodua car store )And beli la the santan. The car was fast.. and it was really stupid for us to act as if we were race drivers. On the way back , Fiqar drove the car , me on the passengers seat and Dil at the back.It was ok initially.. but suddenly another car came and sort of "tried" us... so apa lagi kan.. macam cikgu la mengajar kawan...

giller..damn... Posted by Hello

And as we approach a corner ( Jalan Datuk SUlaiman stretch ).. there was a car in front of us which was travelling at a snail's speed.We went panic.. The car got out of control.. We hit the centre divider , the car flewwww offff .... macam cerita stunt!!! I remembered that the car made a double twist on air.. and we landed on our roof.. "turtle" bak kata org kita... and it skidded... Here .. Dil actually slipped out of the car through the broken back window. The car skidded more than 10 meters i think.. My head hit the roof and i cant really remember what happened next.. mengucap jer la at that time.. thinkin.. was it time for me to go ?

stuntman malaysia Posted by Hello

The next thing i know.. We were upside down...trapped in the car. Fiqar was already out of the car..he was calling me to get out of the car.. I was not able to get out as my side was dented . The only thing that urged me to get out of the car was my recollection of cars that blow off after accidents in the movies !!! hahahaha.. I had to crawl out through the drivers seat.. The traffic went to a halt.. People actually stopped to help us out ; being prime time after half workin-day Saturday.

We were all lucky to escape with minor bruises. The car really looked bad as how you can see from the picture.I suppose , somehow we escaped death unhurt. I suppose , it was not suppose to be our time ; we were young and reckless. But i guess it was an experience of a lifetime ; i can still remember the thrill ... It was so adrenaline... Even the feeling of my roller coaster rides across the continent will never match the RUSH i had when we were tumblin over that day...

Friday, April 01, 2005

Another life event...

me n Shakti Posted by Hello

I would love to write lots about my trip ; but another life event which took place simultaneously certainly took the zest out of my enthusiasm.Perhaps i will share it later when i am physically and emotionally stable....

Last friday ; my wife sms'ed me ;

" Abg.. god.. my upt..its postive !!!!"

To any married couple ; that sentence would certainly put wide smiles and feeling of happiness all over. I was in fact in euphoria - but it came with caution ; The bad experiences before taught me not to jump up galantly immediately. Initially i wanted to cancel my trip ; but as it was planned for quite some time - i had to proceed. Inside me , there was this fear.. the fear of my wife's hope.

To those who don't know ; My wife had 2 unfortunate events before this.. a 7 week old miscarriage and another macerated stillbirth ; baby MYFZAL being 6 months old at about this time LAST YEAR.( I'll write something about that later.. ) Both the events certainly took a lot out of her ; and i feared that if this 3rd pregnancy was unsuccessful ; it would certainly crush her hopes and dreams.

True enough , 2 days after the positive home test kit , she started having stains ; blood stains. That caused her to be anxious ; she stopped studying and CRIB ( complete rest in bed ). She was praying night and day for god to give her the child ; something she wanted for so long. I had to put my brave face in front of her telling that it'll be alright but i had that funny feeling in me.I was praying so hard for her sake.. for her sake..

I left KL with a heavy heart. My mind kept thinking about her condition when i was climbing .I know that failure will make her devastated ; we never stopped praying and du'a to make it work.My sceptic mind was hoping that the flower glass i broke on the morning of my departure would not bring any kind of unruly "sign".

Unfortunately, the bleeding episode continued.. and we had a scan both yesterday and today - by my former mentor ; Dr Baskaran ; the feto maternal Consultant of HKL. The scan picture was not promising for a 5 week old pregnancy.The sac was irregular and no fetal pole seen. My wife broke down. She's devastated .. i know that she's really dissapointed and depressed.

It took quite sometime for her to recover last year. The depression was real and being unlucky for the third time; i cannot imagine how sad she can be now. Honestly , i dunno what to do.. My role to console and support would be the spot on answer ; but i can tell you that it is not as easy as being said.

I know that she wants be left alone right now ; so just acknowledge the news ; between this blog and yourself. No point sms'ing her or calling her for condolonces as she prefers to remain private about this.I dont think she's ready to be interviewed or would like to talk about this matter at the moment. I had to blog this down because this is what i am currently feeling inside ; i know for a fact that she's not going to be happy if she knows about this blog !!!!

Anyway , do du'a for us as i know that thisis Allah's test for us..

p/s this is no April Fool joke ...