Merdeka 6 years later..

Salam Merdeka 2010!! wow.. wow...wow... This blog is still going on strong despite the hiccup for the last few months. I do really hope to continue writing in this medium eventhough tweeter and facebook may seem to be the better in trend at the moment. But then again, whatever i've started i wil persevere and continue and insya Allah.. this blog will go on..till it become one of those published memoirs ( when I become somebody important la.. kan depa suka tengok the early thoughts.. hahaha)

Lets see how much I've progressed ever since my first ever blog in August 2004!!

TUESDAY, AUGUST 31, 2004

Merdeka Blues

Yup... 31 August 2004
Still in the excited mood to write this bloggss..

after 6 years.. I am still as ever excited!!

haks..lepas ni nanti sekali sekala lah ade entry.. bila buat macam ni kan , teringat cerita Doogie Howser. kan , he'll write the happenings of his life in his comp journal..

Accomplished that.. except thati don't have my own tv show yet..

I'm off today.. not on-call.. therefore had been on the bed for the whole day.. heks.. giller malas..

the paradox is i will be taking my MRCPCH PArt 1 exams next wednesday..

PAeds??? what was i thinking then.. haha

and what am i doing today ? not studying.. perrggh..

hahaha.. a common complaint most of the time intra-Masters..

memang gile ah.. dunno why i made the decision to take the exams during housemanship..
maybe i felt that i am suppose to fast forward myself as i am definitely 2-3 years back to my old colleagues..
I feel like i wanna catch on them.. tu la pasal.. i am 27 now.. and still just at the tip of my housejob.. tak lama lagi baru je nak jadi MO. Tengok my wife , she's now doing Masters and in 4 years time insya-allah , she's a Specialist.. hmm.. where will i be then ?

Alhamdulillah.. I am where I am now. Totally did not plan my pathway as an anaesthetist and alhamdulillah after 6 years, I've achieved what i never thought i could do. Congrats to wifey too for her achievement..

Anyway , while i;m still in the mood might as well just key in my thoughts for the day..
Still not out of the euphoria and adrenaline rush from the talk i gave in Kolej Matrikulasi Johor on Saturday.. never thought that i was able to catch their attention for 2 hours.. well , i suppose i have the charisma in me.. hmm.. have to strategize to realize this potential..

And YES... public speaking is a passion of mine and i enjoy doing it.. I enjoy teaching my students as well and I guess, I've found my niche with UiTM at the moment..

Ok.. i think thats all for today.. need to take my shower and pray.. pray to PASS MY EXAMS !!!! haks..

Now.. the exam of life which will go on. until the end..

then..2005

August 2010

Pari Bakar KJ

Ramadhan is the month of ibadah and repentance. It is a special month every year where Muslims fast and the ability to withstand hunger has always been compared to the sufferings of the poor every day. It is also the month of self reflection; as we pray to improve ourselves to be better everyday.

Being in a satellite family without a maid means that there is no way that i can have home cooked food when i return from work. Initially one child was OK but now with 3 to handle, it is definitely a challenge to both me and wifey to even think about cooking. In fact, I can say that my time in the kitchen is more than hers! hahaha

Anyway, so far this year if we're in Bukit Jelutong it would be bazaar food everyday. Unfortunately the Bazaar here has limited variety and I'm a bit bored with the food offered. in fact, maybe dah try semua kot.. hahahaha Unlike in SS2 previously, there were many options either in TTDI, Sg Penchala, KJ, Motorola.. byk tempat..

Of course, my favourite bazaar would always be in KJ. Hmmm.. the smell of my favourite stall; ikan pari bakar..perrghh... drooling man! Therefore, today since it was public holiday in Selangor; i went there just now.. and mmmmmm... ikan pari bakarku!!

So..selamat berbuka puasa..

MAfeitz Mamat

alternative airway.. another hole...

I've always wanted to do percutaneous tracheostomy but never had the chance to do it on your own. I've learnt about it either during conference or my postgraduate, but it has always been on a model or helping another to do it. In UM, we did not have any consultant to back us up therefore the young specialists were not so gung-ho about it. Besides that, if we were to plan for a perc.. then the patient had to fork out their own money for the set.. costing RM1000. And the prognosis and mortality can be high, and subjecting patients to fork out money for it can be a bit daunting.

Of course, with my current learning curve there will always be somebody senior supervising but I am really thankful for the chance to do it in Sungai Buloh. I guess Sungai Buloh ICU may have the highest rate of percutaneous tracheostomy performed, but i may have to check my statistics.

"Tracheotomy is a surgical procedure that is usually done in the operating room under general anesthesia. It ca also be done percutaneously by a simple Seldinger's technique with repeated dilatation. A tracheotomy is an incision into the trachea (windpipe) that forms a temporary or permanent opening which is called a tracheostomy. Sometimes the terms "tracheotomy" and "tracheostomy" are used interchangeably. The opening, or hole, is called a stoma. The incision is usually vertical in children and runs from the second to the fourth tracheal ring.

A tube is inserted through the opening to allow passage of air and removal of secretions. Instead of breathing through the nose and mouth, the patient will now breathe through the tracheostomy tube.

This is one skill I am trying to perfect it so that I am an expert.. and i guess, SUngai Buloh ICU can definitely provide me with that kind of intense training!! ENT surgeons!! I can do this too!!

Whats next helter skelter

Life can be so full of surprises as well as unplanned efforts. ( not talking about my 4th coming..by February 2011 hahah) Of course we have plans of what we wanna do but sometimes circumstances change and you have to balance between what you can offer and what you are needed for.
I've never thought about cardiothoracic anaesthesia eventhough I enjoyed my IJN posting. However, recent developments in UiTM may have change my perception as well as future plans. I never thought I'd consider it as my subspecialty training; as regional anaesthesia has always been a passion of mine.
Here I am being given the chance of a lifetime, and for me not to do it may not be wise afer all. The only thing that detered me earlier was the life as an anaesthetist in a cardiac centre. Mana ada life outside? Memang hospital tu rumah kedua literally and to lead that life ; its not something that i want. But looking back, my institution in the future would not be replacing IJN in total ( i hope!! or im totally screwed.. haha) if we are, then i need to get lots of colleague with me.. together.. then life might be bearable. However, being a University; I have to be super multi talented like Prof Patrick ( Dato' now..) and perhaps emulating him would be a good idea at the moment.
well..here goes.. Cardiothoracic.. hello? ...

jadi cam Prof Hwang pun ok gak.. haha but it'll be really scary to be his trainee.. haha

Life after Masters

Life has been hectic, and for all you know its ramadhan again. Life in ICU Sungai Buloh will always be busy because we have the biggest number of ICU bed in Malaysia. 18 full ICU and 6 HDW which we manage together. WOrking with the Consultant in charge was a change as the intensity of closed ICU can be felt like shivers to your spine. Being under one of Malaysia's expert is an eye opener; as we try to serve as the National Neurotrauma centre. Of course, the human resource issue from Dato Chua Jui Meng days of galant infrastructure becomes a legacy inherited without much can be done. I guess that is the only issue we are having at the moment; well been sitting on it for the past 4 years i guess. Nothing has change much here where Medical Officers who opted for Anaesthesia may have turned off because of such high intensity of care. The OT remains at only 4 but the ICU bed never shrunk instead bloom in size. I can see the stress that the ICU Consultants are having at the moment; and the possibility of fatigue may come sooner than expected. COnstant intense energy with lots of enthusiasm and positive energy to pull one through.
I was told about the harsh condition that new gazzetting specialist have to go through here.. only a handful remained as most of them who were did not opt to stay and serve. It was scary to hear all type of stories but after being here for 2 months; its not that bad after all. Of course on certain days you are late to go back home but that is part and parcel of ICU care. If only the team was bigger it would really help everybody and encourage more young ones to join the ICU.
As for me, doing intensive care has its advantages what not. Its the dedication which can be off a problem as the balance between patient care, career, family and what we want in life. My "tabik spring" to Intensivists all around Malaysia - only 24 now registered under NSR.. gile sikit!!!
I'm still learning, of course forever in this stage as i embrace the life of a specialist. The challenge now is not about caring for your patients, but to nurture the young enthusiasts and guiding them well in practicing safe anaesthesia. I reckon that will be the responsibility which can be taxing to few. Its not about me and my practice anymore; its about what my padwans do and will do.. sounds scarier when i put it this way..

Convo 3 August 2010

the 2006-10 batch pic..

It was an event which I never imagined could happen. Me & wifey graduating together. Of course, we wanted this during our undergraduate years but we never thought we could do so.. I mean, for what happened 11 years ago, the thought of receiving a post graduate qualification as a specialist was far off!

It was a proud day for me & wifey, especially dedicated to our parents. I am sure they were proud to see both of us on the stage ; of how they were many years ago on the same setting, same place Dewan Tunku Canselor UM. It was goosebumps all over as I was heading for Raja Nazrin for my scroll. Alhamdulillah.. I nearly cried and only Allah knows why.. for the journey of perseverance which tested me on my will. Thank you Allah..

the one advantage nobody told me about doing Anaesthesia is you get the best seat during convocation!!

Neglected ideas..

I must say that I have not been as persistent as how I've been in maintaining my blog. July was a very busy month for me ; I was regretting for committing for too many things! Hahaha but I reckon this has always been the way i've led my life. Its just when you have exams, you tend to prioritize as much as you can and when its over, all hell breaks loose!

I would partly blame it to the "non-friendly" internet policies both my Uni as well as Hospital Sungai Buloh. Sometimes, when i am relatively free; i would blog in between work. However, as all blogs are blacklisted, there is no way now for me to carve out my creativity spontaneously :)

I have lots of responsibilities now and things expected of me.. which i aim to fulfill and realize! Its not easy being the ones who should have the initiative to make things run. I suppose, it was based on our CVs that he picked us to be in his faculty.. i guess now is the time to show why he was right to pick us! Not to just sit around and wait..instead make things happen!

NB trying very hard to motivate myself after a roungh on call night..

Sawahlunto, Padang & Bukit Tinggi

I am back from my Indon trip with USM this year. Of course, typical of me to arrange my oncall the day after! I am now still very knackered recovering from both the trip and my eventful call in Sungai Buloh Hospital ICU.

I will write more about the trip, the wakenabeb, the ups and downs as well as the stronger bond I have now with the USM Dental faculty; anak angkat la katakan.. hehehe

I haven't charged my battery camera which went blank 3/4 of the trip but its easy nowadays with facebook around to get the pics from your friends!!

my favourite place in Bukit Tinggi .. gazing the Sianok Canyon.. :)

Medical Lecturers became beggars..

I was oncall yesterday, which is a story itself ( for another blog entry) but there is an interesting development which is very close to my heart.

I read a news clipping with the Deputy Higher Education Minister making a statement Gaji Pensyarah Perubatan dikaji SEMULA

"KUALA LUMPUR 12 Julai - Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi akan menilai semula kenaikan gaji pensyarah perubatan dan pensyarah pergigian di institusi pengajian tinggi awam (IPTA) supaya ia dapat diselaraskan dengan pegawai perubatan awam.

Timbalan Menteri Pengajian Tinggi, Datuk Saifuddin Abdullah berkata, satu kertas kerja akan dibentangkan oleh kementerian itu untuk memperhalusi kenaikan gaji pensyarah terlibat bagi mengelak mereka berpindah ke sektor swasta.

"Golongan pensyarah ini penting untuk sektor perubatan awam kerana ilmu pengetahuan mereka mampu melahirkan doktor pakar yang berkualiti.

"Kementerian akan mengkaji perkara ini secepat mungkin dan mengumumkannya setelah kajian mengenai kenaikan gaji itu diselesaikan," katanya kepada Utusan Malaysia ketika dihubungi di sini hari ini.

Beliau mengulas cadangan Pensyarah Kanan Unit Kardiologi Jabatan Perubatan, Fakulti Perubatan Universiti Malaya (UM), Dr. Zul Hilmi Yaakob dalam Forum Utusan Malaysia hari ini yang meminta kementerian mengkaji kenaikan gaji pensyarah perubatan IPTA jika tidak mahu melihat mereka berpindah ke Kementerian Kesihatan atau sektor swasta.

Menurut Zul Hilmi, kenaikan gaji yang sedikit iaitu RM2.10 berdasarkan penambahbaikan jadual gaji matriks (JGM) bagi kenaikan gred DU51-54 adalah tidak setimpal dengan tanggungjawab dan tugasan pensyarah tersebut.

"Tugas pensyarah perubatan sama seperti doktor lain iaitu mempunyai pesakit, menjalankan prosedur atau pembedahan serta mengajar pelajar perubatan dan bakal pakar perubatan," jelasnya.

Pada 23 Mac lalu, Menteri Pengajian Tinggi, Datuk Seri Mohamed Khaled Nordin mengumumkan, kerajaan bersetuju melaksanakan JGM bagi skim perkhidmatan pensyarah perubatan dan pensyarah pergigian di IPTA yang telah berkuat kuasa awal bulan ini.

Menurutnya, kementerian menaikkan gaji pensyarah dalam bidang perubatan dan pergigian berdasarkan skim perkhidmatan pensyarah bidang kritikal."

in a response to a letter written by a colleague in UM Dr Zul Pensyarah Perubatan Merayu. (who was in TV Majalah 3 last Saturday.. hehe)

" 24 Mac lalu, Utusan Malaysia telah melaporkan Menteri Pengajian Tinggi Datuk Seri Mohamed Khaled Nordin mengumumkan kenaikan gaji untuk para pensyarah perubatan.

Beliau berkata, ''ia akan membolehkan golongan pensyarah tersebut memperoleh gaji yang setara dengan pegawai perubatan yang berkhidmat di Kementerian Kesihatan'' dan Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi mempunyai skim pensyarah yang berbeza misalnya dalam bidang-bidang yang kritikal.

''Ketika ini, gaji pensyarah dalam bidang perubatan dan pergigian adalah rendah, jadi yang itu kita akan naikkan dulu,'' katanya pada sidang akhbar selepas merasmikan Seminar Meningkatkan Keberkesanan Peranan Lembaga Pengarah Universiti (LPU).

Pada masa itu kami dimaklumkan kenaikan akan bermula pada Julai 2010. Ya betul seperti yang dijanji, gaji kami naik. Saya menikmati kenaikan sebanyak RM2.10. Ya, dua ringgit dan sepuluh sen sahaja. Ini adalah kerana jadual gaji matriks bagi gred DU51-54 yang dinaikkan.

Apabila ditukar ke skim gaji baru, kami akan bermula pada tangga gaji yang lebih tinggi dari gaji sebelumnya walaupun turun gred. Dalam kes saya, saya diturunkan dari P1TS ke P1T3. Inilah kenaikan yang dijanjikan.

Tugas seorang pensyarah perubatan adalah pelbagai. Kami mempunyai pesakit seperti doktor-doktor lain. Jadi kami mempunyai wad, klinik dan menjalankan prosedur-prosedur atau pembedahan. Di samping itu, kami mempunyai tugas akademik iaitu mengajar pelajar-pelajar perubatan dan bakal pakar perubatan.

Ini melibatkan siri syarahan, tutorial, pengajaran di dalam wad, pemeriksa peperiksaan dan lain-lain.

Sebagai staf akademik universiti, kami juga dipaksa untuk membuat penyelidikan dan menghasilkan penerbitan di dalam jurnal terkemuka.

Ini merupakan KPI kami setiap tahun. Selalunya KPI kami akan 'tersangkut' di bahagian penerbitan ini. Bilakah masa untuk kami membuat penyelidikan dan menulis dan lebih menyedihkan kami tidakpun mempunyai bilik seperti pensyarah lain untuk duduk dan menulis.

Jika kami gagal menghasilkan dua penerbitan setiap tahun (bagi pensyarah kanan), ia akan menjejaskan peluang naik pangkat kami kerana kami tidak memenuhi KPI.

Akhirnya seorang pensyarah perubatan yang sibuk dengan tugas klinikal ini akan kecewa, dan akibatnya universiti kehilangan individu-individu yang berkualiti ini ke hospital swasta.

Agak pelik layanan terhadap pensyarah perubatan sebegini kerana kamilah yang melatih doktor-doktor dan pakar-pakar perubatan yang berkhidmat di hospital-hospital di seluruh negara.

Saya berpendapat puncanya ialah kami tiada seorang 'bapa' yang memperjuangkan nasib kami di peringkat atasan. Ini jelas berbeza dengan doktor-doktor di Kementerian Kesihatan yang mempunyai ketua pengarah yang jauh lebih baik baru-baru ini.

Saya bagi pihak pensyarah perubatan di seluruh Malaysia merayu agar pihak berkenaan mengkaji perkara ini dengan serius atau universiti akan terus kehilangan doktor pakar yang berkualiti ke Kementerian Kesihatan atau sektor swasta.

Ini sudah tentu akan menjejaskan latihan bakal doktor dan pakar perubatan dan seterusnya kualiti mutu khidmat kesihatan di seluruh negara.

DR. ZUL HILMI YAAKOB,

Pensyarah Kanan Unit Kardiologi,

Jabatan Perubatan Fakulti Perubatan

Universiti Malaya."

MENGKAJI SEMULA??? Come on la.. Dato Khaled promised us in March regarding the revision of such would be done for implementation in July. Our colleagues in the Ministry of Health are currently very happy with their promotion and recognition. MOH has done a good "psychological warefare" and I must commend their wholesome effort. By right, as government doctors as well we should be receiving the same accolade but somehow nobody seemed to care about us at the moment. I must say that i am ashamed that we had to go public like beggars to claim our right.

Obviously, the Rm2.10 increase is crap not because we don't appreciate dollars and cents but i really don't understand what they were researching earlier on? ( The Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi) Obviously, the boys in KPT WERE NOT DOING THEIR JOB b to maintain the medical / dental lecturers in service. melepaskan batuk di tangga because of orders by the minsiter and as long as they do their job. I'm sure there was no input from any of us especially in designing a scheme to make us happy working with the institution. It is not difficult at all but again, when none of them are involved, how do you expect them to understand and care?

Whatever KAJIAN SEMULA they wanna do now, I want our involvement. That is my fight for now.

"Elakkan penghijrahan intelektual pensyarah perubatan kerajaan"

Saya berasa terpanggil untuk memberikan pendapat setelah melihat rakan-rakan saya terpaksa merayu seperti pengemis dalam hal cara kenaikan pangkat dan gaji kami sebagai pensyarah perubatan di fakulti perubatan universiti awam.

Kenyataan Timbalan Menteri Pengajian Tinggi Datuk Saifuddin Abdullah mengenai Pengkajian Semula kenaikan gaji Pensyarah Perubatan 13 Julai 2010 memang dialu-alukan. Namun Kenyataan dan ”directive” awal oleh Menteri Pengajian Tinggi, Datuk Seri Mohd Khaled Nordin pada 24 Mac 2010 lalu tentang hal yang sama ternyata telah diambil mudah oleh Kementeriannya sendiri kerana perlaksanaan kenaikan gaji dan gred bermula Julai 2010 seperti yang dijanjikan seolah-olah mempermain-mainkan golongan pensyarah perubatan. Saya yakin tiada penglibatan terus dari pihak pensyarah perubatan semasa pengkajian hal ini dilakukan sebelum ini dan sudah pasti, bila bukan mereka yang kena; peduli apa pada siapa?

Kami adalah golongan pendidik di belakang tabir yang memastikan penghasilan doktor-doktor berkualiti di negara ini dan sentiasa teruja untuk menghasilkan penyelidikan bertaraf dunia. Tanggungjawab ini merupakan satu amanah yang kami junjung selain daripada tugas-tugas tanggungjawab harian kami terhadap pesakit-pesakit. Kami brkhidmat sebegini kerana minat yang mendalam. Namun keikhlasan dan iltizam kami ini nampaknya dicabar dan diperlekehkan.

Senario masakini telah berubah dengan penghasilan doktor-doktor baru yang berkali-kali lebih ramai berbanding sepuluh tahun yang lalu.Penaikan taraf gred gaji secara menyeluruh yang dilakukan oleh Kementerian Kesihatan baru-baru ini merupakan langkah yang bijak dalam memastikan perkhidmatan berkekalan pegawai perubatan, pakar perubatan dan pakar perunding perubatan dalam kerajaan. Sektor swasta ternyata sukar untuk menarik doktor-doktor kerajaan sekarang berbanding dahulu.

Namun demikian, kedudukan kami di dalam Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi seperti anak kera yang disusukan. Mereka yang dipertanggungjawabkan untuk mengkaji hal ini selepas Mac 2010 tidak peka langsung dengan dasar kerajaan untuk mengekalkan yang terbaik di dalam kerajaan bagi mengelakkan pelarian intelektual.(brain drain). Saya tidak faham mengapa mereka tidak memandang kehadapan dan melihat realiti semasa. Perkhidmatan perubatan negara yang bakal berubah dengan pengenalan Sistem pembiayaan perkhidmatan kesihatan nasional dalam masa terdekat. Ramai pakar-pakar yang berada di swasta sekarang adalah bekas pensyarah perubatan dan amatlah rugi sekiranya penghijrahan ini berleluasa.

Oleh itu, sekiranya Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi AKAN MENGKAJI SEMULA GAJI DAN GRED KAMI, tolong libatkan kami secara terus dan telus. Kami bukan golongan yang suka meminta tapi penyelarasan setimpal sebagaimana rakan-rakan kami di Kementerian Kesihatan adalah berpatutan dan wajar dilakukan secara segera. "

p/s thats my piece.. tak tau depa nak publish ke tidak.. haha

Busy July !!

p/s silap tu.. not Hosp Selayang but UiTM..

I was honoured to be invited as a speaker in a Nursing Conference in KL recently. It was an oppotunity which i thought would come later in life. As you get older, the demand for sharing of experience is unavoidable. I've always enjoyed speaking in public and doing something you enjoy is a plus plus++.

Somehow I'm popular with the nurses( hahaha) and words spread around.I know that the UMMC Sisters recommended my name to their circle for talks and for that I thank you. I've received invitations for future events and I guess Alhamdulillah..

eventhough I;m still a newbie anaesthetist; age should never be the barrier for inferiority. In the doctor's circle, its always the senior people who are expected to share their thoughts in expert's meet. I guess with this, I should aspire more to improve myself and publish; so that when I go around to talk I would be giving evidence from my own study instead of others.

Next weekend I have Prof YK Chan's Acute Care workshop. She has invited me to be one of her

speakers which I am really grateful to accept. Its not easy to be trusted by her and I am happy to join her in her "crusade"!

And of course, my yearly programme with OFMS USM to Indonesia! This year we will be going to Sawahlunto, Sumatera Barat. From the map provided, it looks like one hell of a journey from Padang! I've always enjoyed being part of their team and the experience so far has been priceless! Don't worry, I'm sure to blog about it when we are done..

Busy..busy... July... :)

Trying to sit

Recuperating from the torture last Sunday was slow. The soreness on my leg muscles were bad the day after where it was not easy to get out of bed.. Imagine trying to go down the stairs hahaha Somehow, it was fun!! hahaha Of course it is something that you don't want it to happen again the future :) I only manage to do my recovey run 4 days after; the blisters on my feet were tolerable. The 42k was a good experience; something that I would embed in my mind with my other tough climbs. It'll be one of the chapters of what I'll tell my children and theirs so that they can aspire from that. :) ( of course, kena tambah2 sket la.. hahaha)

***********************************

We met our Dean last Wednesday. Despite whatever people may say about him, His pep talks are amazing and inspiring! He may have the BIG plans which can be mind boggling but I feel that it is necessary. The challenge for us, as the new kid on the block is to realize it or perhaps in the direction of excellence that he proposed. He walks the talk therefore somebody that should be taken as an example. Of course, i take some might take him as thier role model but i figure what is good is good and should be embraced. Juggling our lives as a clinician and academician can be difficult; it depends on one's priority. What more to elevate to World class standard. I guess being a teacher is in the blood hence the "i dont see it as a problem" attitude. But then again, I amy still be naive and idealistic at this moment. The only thing to do now is just to prove that everything is possible :)

My first 42km SCMKL

What can I say.. How can i describe it.. "penangan" marathon.. 42km... wow..

Well, I registered very early for this race in fact 1-2 weeks after it was officially launched. Nowadays its jiffy to just do it online and I've been aiming to complete a marathon this year. I started training hard for Putrajaya night marathon after Penang Bridge run end 2009. NB30K done in January was to my liking and in tandem with my plan to survive the 42k onslaught. However the meniscal injury on my right knee post Korbu descent spoilt everything. Recovery was not easy ; fearing that I may not be able to do what i like to do. Slowly, it healed and completing the 21k during the energizer night run was an indicator that perhaps I can still achieve my 42k this year.

But training was never the same again. I had my finals to pass and most of my time circa March-April-May was geared towards that. Morning or evening run became sporadic and I had doubts whether I should attempt to finish ( not run ahh) the marathon come 27 June. Am I trying to be super crazy without any mileage under my belt?

Honestly I nearly quit. nearly pulled the plug thinking never mind, I can always try next time.Period.. that was the initial decision. Until i read Haza's blog post and wow.. honestly, i got all fired up.. really really determined to finish what i planned. It was now or never.. HANTAM SAJALAH!!! ahahaha Thanx HAZA, the super running mum ( Ultra-marathon dah buat.. tak tera ke??) for the inspiration !!

I woke up early that morning; knowing how my bowel tend to show up during races, I need to spend time to settle it out! hahaha Had my breakfast and nervously I drove off to KL. I was in Tang Ling parking by 0420 and on my way there I could see a lot of 42k runners walking to Dataran, some were warming up by running! It was drizzling by then, I thought "embun" kot..

The only disadvantage of me running the 42K is I am alone. I guess I'm always the one to "lead" the path of "you can do it" to my running buddies.Its definitely a plunge towards torturing yourself as how I tried my first half back in 2008 hahaha Met few familiar faces like TSB but thats all. The crowd was big and not bad eih :) Perhaps after this my friends will join me in this crusade. By 0500 it started to rain , not to heavy but enough to make u wet! Getting your shoes and socks wet before a grueling event is never good; learnt from my climbing experience. But what to do.. it was 5am and pooww... we all went!!

I initially followed the 5h30min pacer which i thought was alright for me.. it was cool to follow the designated runners with balloon tied up to them; three had theirs burst as we ran!! It must have been the static between the tarmac and rain puddles. It felt good, early in the morning with an acceptable rain drops to cool yourself off. I was in fact enjoying myself but at the same time cautious.. should not try to push myself too early; if i end up cramps all over DNF !!!

After the 15K mark i slowed down my pace.. and of course the 6h pacer caught me up. I followed him afterwards and thought "apasal mamat ni cam slow pulak? " hahaha such inexperience shows ah?? the trick to running LONG endurance race is to pace yourself to be CONSTANT all the way !! My limit was definitely post 22K where I began to walk rather than slow jog/run.. haha by now, the 6H pacer who looked slow earlier is relatively too fast for me!!!

The sun showed it's true self soon after as it became scorchingly hot. Luckily i brought my running cap which I never wore ..haha( this was the Larian Perpaduan cap 2008) At least, i wont look too dark when I'm done. Due to the earlier rain, my socks were wet and as time goes by the drying process is not exactly compete without taking your shoes off.I can feel the wrinkling pain which gets worst with every step and I totally ignored the pain. No IPod ah ( no money to buy..) .. i just cannot imagine how i did that! I've felt something like this before during my Tambuyokon trip in 2008.. but this was much longer to bare!!

After the 30K mark ; cramps were coming left right and centre. Wow.. everything was for me to quit the race but hey.. I'm here and I will not stop. I felt good and in fact not too exhausted ( banyak jalan kot..) but my cramps were trying to stop me there and then. One step at a time and I walk and walk with the aim to reach the next water station which was aplenty!

The good thing about being the back marker was I met new backmarker friends! It was nice of everybody trying to encourage each other eventhough we were all in the same boat, suffering in utter agony! Wow.. I now do understand the grit of such battle!

It was after the 35K that we were coming to Bukit Tunku. Thank you Kash for your support and providing us with water & food! I brought it right to the finish line!After that hmmm.. the last 6K THE LONGEST EVER 6K i've ever endured.. hahaha memang hancur as now we had to walk up hill and again! Perrghh.. my legs were like pulling me here and there as I had to stop to sooth it down befoe moving again and repeating the cycle!! hahaha SAPA SURUH TAK TRAINING?? But then.. "KESAKITAN HANYA SEMENTARA.. KEJAYAAN BUAT SELAMA-LAMANYA!!"

Of course as I approached the finishing line there was not many people who waited. I did not expect Azad ( who ran his 21k succesfully again) to wait .. but he did and for that I thank you for being there to share my moment of triumph conquering the marathon! I finished it in 7hr and 12 minutes.. I could not even record it on the picture as the timer was brought down!! A crap time to some but for me.. wow.. grueling 7 hours on the road .. honestly i cannot recall what i was thinking or doing while slowly run/walk/crawl towards the finish line..

but one thing for sure...

SATISFACTION... I DID IT!!! Alhamdulillah...

*and today.. I'm limping all over.. but proud :) haha

p/s Thanx Azad for the pics.. priceless...

Its now or never..

read a blog which pushed me to just have a go.. i almost chickened out.. Hahaha hantam sajala...

SUBANG JAYA 10K

I missed last week's Setia Eco Park race because I woke up late.( despite picking up the number..n very enthusiastic about it!!) This week's Subang Jaya run was something not to be missed; since SCMKL is just around the corner. Honestly my training has been crap.. really really crap! I needed today to refresh back my dampened spirit and remind me of the mammoth task I've chosen to endevour end of this month!

I was off from BJ after Subuh thinking I am early.. but when i arrived at the junction to the MBSJ complex i panicked.. haha called Azad straight away as his tag number was with me.We managed to meet up and parked our cars together. I really thought we were starting at 7am which meant that we had only little time left before the event starts! Lucky Kamal told us that the flag off was at 730am.. and seeing everybody being so casual about it.. must be 730am!!
The run was gunned off by Tan Sri Khalid the MB himself.. wow..impressive! Hannah(MP SJ) and Loh Gow Bern was there too.. There are our young MPs and i reckon they should have been one of us.. if not running the 10K at least the 3K.. That would have made a better impact rather than standing next to the MB during the flag off.. then only the rakyat will be really impressed :)

Anyway.. my run today was smooth. My new Mizuno shoes were on trial as I'm planning to use this for SCKLM. My soles felt a little bit hot in the beginning which is not a very good sign for a new shoe. I was thinking then that maybe i should use my trusted Brooks for SCKLM! After a while it was ok though.. hmm.. a bit confused here..

I felt a little bit tired on my first 5 km( for reasons that i know.. hahaha) but suddenly it kicked in and the rhythm came back.. it felt great. I did not push myself too much but i felt comfortable that even reaching the end i know i could run some more.I lost this for a while but it is still there! I really need to polish it up.. It was very hot but the track was fairly flat. The inclination was fair and I enjoyed the puffing i had to endure! hahaha

Water stations were too frequent during the first 5k! However I am not happy at all with the organizers giving us the whole water bottle. It was a total WASTE OF WATER!! A lot of runners took a sip or two and then threw the bottle away! not one..but hundreds along the way!! I took one and held onto the bottle all the way.. taking sips as i need but it was troublesome.. but my conscience was clear and I HAD TO WALK THE TALK!!! I know water is free in Selangor.. but why waste it like this? I know it is not Saturday (GREEN DAY) but being Sunday doesn't mean that we should forget everything? This is something the organizers should think about for logic's sake!

It was a satisfactory run but not fast at all.Managed to finish it in 62 minutes.tI wanted my pace to be simple and comfortable. I guess I made peace with myself :) The gang arrived later and it was blazing hot Sunday morning!! The atmosphere was good and I guess the SJ folks certainly enjoyed the carnival mood especially the lucky draw session!!

It became of a hassle though that we have to produce our receipt to get the goodie bags. Who brings their receipt while running ah? ( alot apparently.. haha) Of course when it comes to this MBSJ was very pedantic and i sense a lot of anger amongst the seasoned runners.In runs around Malaysia, producing the bib was good enough for the goodie bag claim but of course, for MBSJ.. takde resit, takde beg.. PERIOD!!! hahaha by the time we got back from taking the receipts from ur cars, nobody was manning the goodie back station and when we asked around..everybody was totally blank!! but then again, what do you expect right from the worse run organizer in Malaysia? hahaha to heck with that.. Janji kita enjoy!!!

AREA 51

It has been a confusing week. Yups, I'm done and by convention. I'm already a clinical specialist cum lecturer but after reporting back to my paymaster, its definitely not straight forward.The faculty is still new, and by right I don't even have a department yet. I am still under the reign of the surgical cluster. But that was the past, now UiTM will HAVE a siginificant anaesthesia department!! hahahaha We have not reported in for our clinical job yet; as I feel that the academic work as well as the future direction need to be laid out clear before we commit to anything.

We don't have our own teaching hospital yet therefore the definition about clinical work was very blur. Teaching was confusing as well ; as currently there is no anaesthesia posting. The dilemma for Suraya and me was to serve Selayang or Sungai Buloh hospital. There are loads of rumours going around about the working conditions of Anaesthesia Sungai Buloh. I prefer not to utter anything out yet until I am physically there.

But.. after I went for a meeting in the new Sungai Buloh Campus.. I saw this..

the "BIG" potential..

whats there..which is impressive already!

seeing this.. waahhh... I have my own OT and ICU!!!

And thus.. my perception changed. I can see at least what the nearest future will be but of course will be revealed as I go along. I'm sure it would be an interesting journey. The Anaesthesia team will be commissioning the OT on Tuesday and do wait for the next series of pictures to appear.. ( macam masuk Area 51 pulak)

On another note, I've began to understand the responsibility of a academician. A certainly different goals to achieve. Our minds are expected to continuously produing outputs... research and papers! KY is very keen on this and I can see what he meant by being the leader as well as different. His ideas can be viewed as high state of grandiosity but I guess you really need to look at the bigger picture.. especially from above looking down :)

To some of my colleagues, the urge as well as motivation to write can be almost non-existent. Writing up stuffs can be really difficult to do especially to start off. There are always reasons why one cannot write but difficult to find one who is sincere and with enthusiastic sitting down to churn ideas and objectively targeting a timeline to achieve the goal. I reckon the interest is from within.If it is not, then one should not opt to be an academician ; as maybe the job is a stepping stone towards greener pasture.

I hope this month I am able to come up with something solid; the plan, the timeline.. and Maju Jaya UiTM!! hehe

Battle conquered but war goes on..

Yup.. its end of May 2010, I'm at the end of my 4 years journey. I reviewed the entry on first day in UM 4 years ago.. my.. my.. wow, time flies really fast. I browsed through the entire 4 years anaesthesia entry- a sort of diary of what i went through doing the Master programme. In a way, I am amazed with my own stories hahaha Luckily blogging was and i hope still a phenomenon; which without with I may not have remembered or relive the moments regardless sweet or bitter in this past few years. It was hard work but the presence of excellent working environment especially my dear colleagues ; it was worth the pain! There were moments of despair but honestly, it was never a thought which put me down anytime.

I thank Allah for his graciousness; giving me the opportunity to lead the life I had. I thank him for listening to my prayers eventhough at times I may not be worthy of such blessings that he has given. Its not just about me becoming an Anaesthetist but brightening wifey and my life with the arrival of our 3 children.. all circa 2005-2009!! Hahaha.. sebelum tu cam susah lak nak dapat anak.. worth the academic stress i suppose..:)

I've learnt a lot in these 4 years; not just Anaesthesia and ICU management per say, but my different perspective of life and being matured about it. I must thank everybody in the department; not just the Profs but from the lecturers, my colleagues not just from my discipline but from various others too, nurses, supporting ataff and office staff as well. The attachment and sense of belonging is there I am sure no matter how much one wants to deny. Lots of new friendships built and I hope sustained with the presence of blogs and facebook;which no more excuses can be given for not being in touch.

I've became more academic now compared to before; a part of me which I never thought i had in me. Being in Anaesthesia UM thought me about being more independent and confident; its not easy to garner this but the responsibility held upon grew one up without one realizing it. Excellent communication skills would be the trait to improve in having a win-win situation for the benefit of patient care.

Well, I guess all this will be running through my mind when I empty my 222 locker...

Department of Anaesthesia UM 2010

My precious ones..

Who can forget Vas's virgin call.. the best-havoc call ever!!

Another smiling team pic.. post airway havoc!

THe UiTM ICU team..

Anaesthesia Day celebrations 2009

ERSA Austria 2009

Finals Intensive Course USM 2010

Men in blue.. 3 generations..

NB 15K disaster

I recorded my worst timing ever in this years NB 15K .. worst than the first time when I was pipped by Atuk Singh at the finishing line in 2008! hahahaha of course, I can give 1000 reasons to justify my 2 hour run but the main point here is, I really need to improve A LOT if i am to survive KL Marathon end of June!!

What happened today? I was too pancit too continue my run after the 9km mark! I was literally dragging myself , fatigued and uninspired! It did not help with the hot blazing sun tearing your skin apart. I was weak mentally and physically. With that combination, recording your personal worst is unavoidable! Of course the track was hilly initially but after the half way mark it was relatively "runnable"" but ..i just cannot!

Obviously, with almost no training for the past 2 months I should expect something like this to happen. The exam stress was in its full gear and with the evening weather being unkind, it was more convenient to sit down quietly studying! Earlier I had "burn out" syndrome which made me to stop completely for one week; which became two.. and so on and so forth.. hahaha my recuperating knee was also another factor of why I choose to go easy because I want to continue running for a very long time! My training for the full monty looked good early this year; with a fairly good time in the 30K.. but after Korbu descent which took away my knee, i faltered.. Putrajaya Night run was supposed to be my "breaking virgin" run!

But hope is not lost! I still have time ..kan? hahaha Now with the exams finally over; i can concentrate to prepare myself to conquer something which I reckon I could! Malaysia Boleh!!

Success is not the key to happiness.. Happiness is the key to success

Received this article via the email. I thought it was interesting and would like to share it. I do know certain people live in oblivion and such negativity. It is quite sad to be depressed of the delightfulness of life. Its so easy to be in the self pity state ; looking at things they dont have instead of things that they have. It is easier to blame rather than admiting on ways of reconciliation. As humans, we avoid being thankful and whine on what others are perceived to have.. always better than ours.

"Happiness is something everyone wants to achieve. While on the surface people may seem to be looking for money, recognition, or other things, what they actually seek is happiness. Unfortunately, many people never reach the level of happiness they desire.

But, before we start, we should agree on something: our happiness is our responsibility. Your happiness is your responsibility. Don’t blame outside condition or other people if you’re not happy. While things around you could change and go bad, it is you who decide how you will respond to them. You can decide to be happy.
With that in mind, here are 20 ways to find happiness in life:
1. Stop comparing yourself with others
Comparing yourself with others won’t do you any good. You will either feel proud when you are above, or feel jealous and frustrated when you are below. None of them brings true happiness. So stop comparing yourself with others and simply be your best.
2. Count your blessings
There are so many things we should be grateful for, but we often forget them. When you realize how blessed you are, you will certainly be happier.We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
3. Find your inner voice
To find true happiness, you must first find your inner voice. Slow down and take some quiet time for soul searching. What will make your life meaningful? What is true happiness for you? By knowing what your heart says, it will be easier for you to align with it.
4. Reconnect with your childhood dreams
Your childhood dreams can give you clues about your true calling. So discover them and reconnect with them. Get them back into your life. Childhood dreams are important, which is why Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture is entitled Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams.
5. Help someone
Giving is an essential key to happiness. While we often think that we will be happier when we receive, the truth is we are happier when we give. This is also one of the most difficult things to apply.You can apply this by finding someone in need and lending a helping hand. The person could be your family, friend, or even a stranger. You could also donate to a charity.
Happiness is like a kiss…you must share it to enjoy it.
6. Spend more quality time with your loved ones
Relationships give us happiness more than any material in the world. So spend more quality time with your loved ones. In such moments, be sure that you devote your attention to them. Divided attention (with your work, for example) will decrease the quality of the time.
There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.George Sand
7. Apply the five languages of love
Love is an important way to happiness, and the five languages of love is a helpful concept to help you apply love. By understanding yours and others’ languages of love, you will be able to build better relationships.
8. Appreciate nature
The beauty of the nature can give you peace. Go out and see how beautiful the nature is. Watch how the birds sing and the sun shines, and let you be happy once again.
9. Pray or meditate
This is one of the most effective ways to calm your mind and get inner happiness. When you feel overwhelmed, a session of praying or meditation could help you clear your mind.
10. Know yourself
You will be happier if you understand who you are. Taking personality tests or drawing a simple life map could help you recognize who you are.
11. Say thank you
Sometimes we are so accustomed to people around us that we forget to thank to them. So take a little time to do that.
12. Smile
Smiling is a very simple thing to do, and yet it has great effect. There mere act of smiling can brighten your otherwise dark day.
13. Listen more than you speak
You will feel happier not only by understanding yourself, but also by understanding the people around you. One simple way to do that is by listening more than you speak. Try to understand what the other person means before speaking out your thoughts.
14. Stop judging others
Judging others will give you bad feeling toward them and there’s nothing good about that. Instead, you should look at the positive side of them. Sometimes it’s easier to see the others’ weaknesses, but looking at the positive side will brighten their day and your day.
15. Focus on what you can control
Trying to change things beyond your control will only frustrate you. Recognize what you can and can’t control, and focus solely on the things you can control. For instance, you can’t change how people around you behave, but you can change yours. So focus on changing your own behavior instead of changing theirs.
There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.Epictetus
16. Forgive yourself
Have you done mistakes in the past? We could be intimidated by our past mistakes that we can no longer live to our full potential. But you aren’t perfect, and neither is anyone else. So forgive yourself and release the burden.
17. Forgive others
Besides forgiving yourself, you should also forgive other people who did wrong to you. Not forgiving them will only hurt you. Again, you should release the burden so that you can find happiness.
To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.Robert Muller
18. Accept yourself
You may have some personality traits that you don’t like. For instance, perhaps you are an introvert and you wish you are an extrovert. Or you wish you were born in a different background. This is one thing you can’t control (see #15), so just accept yourself as you are. You are unique, and that’s something you should be grateful for.
19. Know how to deal with problems
Problems will always come your way, so your happiness depends not on whether or not you have problem, but on how good you deal with them. Knowing how to stay calm and how to overcome failure will be helpful.
20. Be a promise keeper
You will find happiness if you stay true to your heart and one way to do that is by being a promise keeper. The more you keep your promise, the more you will be aligned with your conscience and the happier you will be.

Whats next eih?

Its the day after.. wow.. after all the stress; ironically am feeling boring at home!! hahaha We had our batch dinner in ShangriLa last night which was good - however i overate the oyesters that the diarrhoea struck on our back.. had to stop after the toll as it was explosive ! ( not going into detail with this aahh..)
I'm still on leave though. We are required to start work straight away but with the extra days I had, cuti je la to sort out my my messy room.
The KKM fellas are now in a bit of limbo as they wait for the ultimate meeting with the Malaysia Head- posted to places they hope to go. but usually not ! As for me, its either straight to Sungai Buloh or Selayang; however there are no hard fast rules about it. In a way, the department is pratically ours hahaha gile kuasa!! seriously, i reckon we have to sit down and put down on paper what our aims will be as a department.. I have my grandiosity and it will be interesting to see how far i can make it into reality :)

M Anaesthesiology (UM) 2006/10

I was not sure whether i can make the cut. The exams did not go as smooth as how i imagined it to be. Viva went well i thought but that night when i was all alone in that room, i realized the few mistakes i made confidently! hahaha It was a very jittery day coming back from KB but what was done..was done. I was left with only doa and my hope.
I am on leave todayh and tomorrow. the results came out earlier than what was told earlier. Sapa tak cuak? and at 1030am I was still at home, thinking of all the things to do next especially to sort out with my employer.
"Dr Mafeitz... Susanty ni.." our Department secretary.
"Ahh.. kenapa?"
"Kat mana ni?" " rumah lagi.." i said softly.
"Tak datang tengok result ke?"
"Takpelah.. nanti mesti ada orang call bagitau.."
"Oh ye ke.." and of course, i could not resist the temptation..
"Apa result saya?" i asked..
"Nanti kawan Dr Mafeitz call bagitau..." my heart just dropped..
"COngrats Dr MAfeitz! Tahniah!!"

And i went like.. ya allah.. and i broke down.. alhamdulillah.. but i really broke down as I performed my prayers to thank god.. Thank you ..thank you..


MAfeitz Mamat